Lynne Stringer – Author & Editor

Instagram

What do I write?

I am currently writing a novel which is a reworking of a story I originally wrote in the nineties. Tentatively called How Far Forgive? it chronicles the story of a young woman who is the victim of a violent crime and has to find a way to forgive the perpetrators in order to move on with her life.

This novel awakens a lot of feelings in me, as I am a victim of violent crime myself. In 1991 I was working in a bookstore when a man came in with a knife and threatened me with it. I gave him the money in the till without hesitation.

While writing this story I have been forced to ask myself whether or not I have forgiven my perpetrator for what he did to me. The honest truth is I don’t know. It was a long time ago and I don’t usually think about it. When I do, I usually shudder a little but quickly compartmentalise my feelings. I’d like to think I’ve forgiven him but how can I tell unless he is standing in front of me, asking for forgiveness? What if he was standing in front of me saying he was glad he did what he did? Could I forgive him then?

Here is my dilemma: can I write about a girl who learns to forgive when I’m not even sure I’ve done it myself? Is that hypocritical? Admittedly, the story also chronicles the journey of someone who doesn’t forgive (although his story is not the main focus) but I hope I will never travel the road he goes down.

What about you? Are you a writer? How do you handle it when you’re tackling a subject and you have a moral dilemma like this? Do you feel a responsibility to live up to what you are presenting in your story?

Are you a reader? Would you think it hypocritical if you read a book and learned that the author could not live up to what she preached? Leave a comment in the section at the bottom of the page and let me know your thoughts.

Facebook Comments

28 Responses

  1. Hi Lynne,
    It’s not an easy question. Perhaps as we work through these issues with our characters, we may sometimes find we are dealing with our own at the same time, even when we don’t feel as if we are quite there at the start. Your experience sounds very scary.

    1. It only took about two minutes, Paula, but it did mark a change in my life. My protagonist’s situation takes a bit longer. Even that fact has worried me. Maybe my trauma isn’t severe enough to compare with hers.

  2. There can be a difference between credibility and realism when it comes to fiction. I never expect a novelist to have done everything or gone through everything their character has.

    Forgiveness is an internal thing and I don’t doubt there are loads of people walking around today thinking they’ve forgiven a wrong, only to realise they truly haven’t when facing the person they need to forgive. It’s easier to think you’ve forgiven someone when you don’t have to face them.

    I believe fear, panic or shame to be emotions based on vulnerability, whereas I consider anger (indignance/righteousness) to be a lack of forgiveness.

    Forgiveness comes from a place of inner strength and security. Does your character possess either of those things?

    1. I’d like to think she does. I’m certainly trying to write her that way. Maybe that’s where she’s got one up on me! 🙂

  3. I don’t think anyone would think it’s hypocritical if they understand that sometimes the ability to forgive is a gift God gives us that happens immediately and other times it’s a journey. The fact that you recognise your character needs to forgive to move on shows you think it’s a good thing whether or not you have come to the completion of the forgiveness journey, yourself. I have been hurt deeply myself (as we all have in different ways) and there is one person I have to choose to forgive again every time I think of what they did. It’s a choice to put it aside and not dwell on it or be upset with that person. I think, (not being a psychologist) there is a difference between being traumatised by what someone has done, and being angry and bitter toward that person. But definitely, I wouldn’t think you were hypocritical if I found out you wrote about a character forgiving someone but were still struggling with forgiving someone yourself (that is coming from someone whose fictional characters can be a bit idealistic at times and much more wise and sensible than I am 🙂

  4. I think it would be possible (to write about forgiveness even though you don’t know if you could forgive) but I’m not sure if you could do it with full realism. .. how could you explain the full gamut of emotional tension if you haven’t walked that road yourself. Maybe research could help. . But.. a tricky one. God bless you on your journey of forgiveness.

    1. It’s a tension, that’s for sure, Brian. But frequently authors do have to write intelligently about things beyond their experience. This novel is stretching me a lot in this way. This is probably the hardest element, though, although also an easier one in some ways. I mean, how many people out there can point to my character and say that what she goes through is unrealistic? Probably not many.

  5. Hi Lynne, I think we spoke about this a little while I was visiting in May, I remember hearing your story – did I tell you mine? I think I did. To be perfectly honest I really struggle with the idea of forgiving the person who assaulted me. I feel like I dealt with it at the time through counselling and by going to court a giving evidence and seeing him locked away. I have moved on with my life and can think back on this incident with no adverse effects. I don’t want to forgive him, I don’t think he deserves it and I don’t need to do it to gain ‘closure’. The same goes for if someone harmed my child, I just don’t see how I ever could forgive them. I think the point of people forgiving those who have harmed them is because they are stuck in a vicious cycle and that is the only way they can move on. I think they need to do it without the person asking because it actually has nothing to do with the perpetrator – they don’t need to know they have been forgiven. It is the victim making peace with themselves. I would have thought that your faith may be able to guide you in this Lynne – have you thought of talking it through with a minister/pastor? Even if you just run through the fictitious scenario to get an idea of what your protagonist should be feeling…Good luck, it sounds like an interesting story. By the way if a man can write ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’ and produce all the right feelings/responses then you can write this victim’s perspective without feeling it yourself and not feel like a fraud! xx

    1. Thanks Tanya. I don’t think you did tell me your story! I understand forgiveness, certainly in terms of my faith, on a theoretical level, and I’d like to think that I have forgiven this guy, but as I said in my post, how can I be sure I have? Although I am a Christian, many aspects of the Christian life are ones that I struggle with. Forgiveness is always something that is a struggle for me as I seem to be a person who is prone to revenge. I guess it’s one of the harder aspects of it, which is why I’m concerned.

  6. Lynne. I think it’s possible to write from all sorts of character’s point of view. I do so in my books–crooks, petty thieves, and the morally weak. As you enter their thoughts, you learn along with them. You could find the answer to your own dilemma along with the character.
    For myself, I’ve been robbed at gunpoint along with my manager. I shook for about two days and dreamed about the situation for weeks. But it’s over now. Because I use news stories in ‘visions’ for my plot, I look into the characters thoughts and shortcomings. There’s always a reason to redeem them if you understand the underlying reason for their behavior. Hope that helps–from Goodreads.

  7. Certainly you can write about experiences you haven’t had!
    If this is an area in which you want to ensure that you are conveying something well, I suggest reading something about forgiveness. There are tons of books on the topic. Most of them seem to say that forgiveness is not for others but for ourselves.

    1. I guess I could try a book. Books like that usually frustrate me, though, for much the same reason as I am having this dilemma. I mean, it’s easy to write about forgiveness, but putting it into practice? That’s a trick.

  8. Thanks for sharing that Lynne. That experience must have been very frightening. One of my relatives used to be a bank teller and she’s been held up a couple of times. It still affects her, so there’s not always an easy solution. I think if I was reading a non-fiction book where someone was preaching something that they didn’t practise themselves, I might see them as hypocritical. But often we’re on a journey with these issues. As long as the person was being honest with their struggles, I would still take in their advice. I think the main problem is when people pretend to have it all together when they don’t.

    However, in a novel it’s a bit different. As Paula mentioned, we might be able to work through issues as our characters do and that can help us to reflect. I’m currently working on a novel in which the heroine stands up for what is right even though it could cost her life. I’m not as brave as my heroine, so it’s raising issues for me as I write it, but that makes it an interesting process.

    Good luck with your book Lynne and thanks for sharing.

    1. You’ve got some good thoughts there, Nola. I guess if I was writing non-fiction about why this was a good thing to do when I haven’t done it that would be a problem, but a novel is really an exploration of ideas.

  9. Hi Lynne
    In my experience, forgiveness is a journey – not a single act. I haven’t experienced a violent attack as you but I have been hurt deeply by people I trusted or expected better of and as long as the hurt is still there, the need to forgive is there. I think too it is a gift of God’s grace. I disagree with what is often said, that forgiveness is only about you not about the perpertrator. If that was the case then God’s forgiveness would only affect him, not us. Nor do I think forgiveness is excusing what someone has done – but rather acknowledging in full that what he or she did was wrong, that it hurt, and even holding them accountable for their actions but releasing them from the guilt, and acting with love towards them. That’s a tall order – and often has to be done over and over again and maybe can only truly be done with God’s help. BTW have you read any of Corrie Ten Boom books? Like the Hiding Place? She talks of encountering a guard from the concentration camp she was imprisoned in (and in which her beloved sister Betsy died). He asked for forgiveness. Perhaps reading that scene might help – also maybe reading Gates of Splendor by Elisabeth Elliot (and the sequels Beyond Gates of Splendor & The End of the Spear). Maybe Lesley Turner’s The Power of Forgiveness would also be relevant. The story of Gladys Staines might also provide inspiration (her husband & 2 sons were burnt to death by Hindu extremists in India) http://www.asianews.it/news-en/Widow-of-Graham-Staines:-Do-not-give-up-hope,-pray-for-India-14257.html

    As for authors writing about what they haven’t experienced – they do that all the time. We extrapolate from our own experiences, research and imagine. I think Nola and Paula are write that writing it through is part of the journey of understanding.

    1. I remember that event well, Jeanette. I was the editor of the QB when it happened and they were from one of our churches. She’s one of those people who often makes me wonder if I have forgiven for she’s a wonderful testimony to what can be done.

  11. Perhaps, Lynne, short of meeting the perpetrator again, writing the story is the best way to discover your answers for yourself. And if mot, find healing along the way.

  12. I am a writer/filmmaker and I know exactly what you’re talking about. Time after time I’ve written characters who are learning to overcome something I am still learning too. Ultimately, I find I can’t finish the story unless I too learn the lesson. I think it’s possible to finish the story, but the idea of being a hypocrite stops me from finishing every time. If I do somehow manage to finish the story and silence the little voice telling me I’m being a hypocrite, I think my story suffers for it. My character may learn a lesson, but the lesson will never be as intricate and personal as it could be and I lose some of my authority on the subject. Isn’t there some famous writing quote that says we must write what we know?

    1. It is generally believed that you should write about what you know, yes, but I think it only goes so far. For example, if we followed it to the letter there would be no sci-fi or fantasy books and I wouldn’t like that at all! 🙂 I think it’s best to veer towards what we know, and I think that’s one of the things that has led me to wanting to write this. I know how it feels to try and put your life together after something like this so I can write about it intelligently. But sometimes the imagination or simply an understanding of the human condition can be sufficient to present a valid viewpoint. Whether it’s right or wrong is probably difficult to tell. When we’re writing fiction we’re writing from the point of view of a character who, it would be hoped, we know best, so can someone else really say their responses are incorrect? However, it is a difficult line to walk.

      1. Hmmm this is very true. I think I partially see it from an acting point of view too, because I’m also an actor. In cases like this I would use emotional memory of something that would have a similar reaction as to the character I’m writing. Still, I wrestle with finding the character arch if I haven’t learned the lesson yet.
        I also know what you mean about fantasy. Being the genre I write as well, still I find that a lot of the creative ideas come from something we know. Our worlds may be different and our characters may be some strange being, but I feel like they still come from a place of truth, something I know. Does that make sense?

        1. Absolutely. That’s what I meant when I said that we don’t always have to write about what we know. We can’t always do that although I do think everything we write should have something in it that we do know about. It just depends on how big that element is. I think it’s possible that we can experience one thing (as I did) and write about that but when it comes to something like being faced with your attacker after the fact, which I have not experienced, my imagination can supply that through characters who I have developed because they mean something to me.

  13. Writers use their own experiences in their writing, but unless this is YOUR story…the story of you, and your journey to forgiveness, I don’t think it’s hypocritical at all. You haven’t experienced every single thing that you have written about. Just because you USE your experiences doesn’t mean your character has to handle it the same way you do. Your character is not you. And forgiveness is the choice to let it go so it doesn’t rule your life. I think you HAVE forgiven him. It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be terrified if you faced him again. It doesn’t mean what he did was ok. It just means you refuse to let what happened control your life.